I like making fun of celebrities. I just do. Most of the time the comments aren't so insulting as obvious, and let's face it, many are very deserving of laughter at their expense. I also think it is a good, if very light, form of social criticism.
Anyway, over a year ago I actually thought I could poke fun of celebs on a daily basis. Not only that, but that the world would laugh, and flock to the site. Like my short lived professional poker career, that didn't turn out so well.
However, I've decided that this current blog needs some supertaining posts every now and again. So I'm going to try something new. Though in the same vein as my original blog.
I'm introducing a new column called "Male Celebs who are almost certainly gay." I'm doing this for two reasons. First of all I have super gaydar. I have studied the gay extensively to see why women love the gay and not me. Second, and much more important, I need to squash the myth that these super-ripped, perfectly coiffed, sweater-vest wearing male celebs are heterosexual. And why do I need to squash this myth? Because you ladies think hetero guys can turn into this homo ideal, this homo-metro-uber man, if you will. I'm sorry ladies, but the reality is quite different. You're just going to have to choose amongst us hairy, bald, disheveled, husky truehetero men. Either that or go lesbian.
So for the first installment we have singer-songwriter James Blunt. I know what you're thinking, how can this smooth crooner, this sensitive ladies man actually be gay. Well it's actually quite easy. First of all he is British. That right there means a 60% chance of homosexuality. Secondly, he plays the piano. Hello? Elton John anyone? Thank you. Heterosexual men play video games, not pianos. We're afraid someone would call us a pianist. Something Mr. Blunt doesn't seem to afraid of. And finally, for those who still close their eyes from the obvious, here are some of his lyrics:
"Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me."
Only a gay man would use the term "lover". And notice the unisex quality of the terms "lover", "friend", and "the one". Clearly he's talking about Richard Simmons. I rest my case.
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6 comments:
I like a rugged man but there is just something so alluring about an effeminate, non-threatening angel-faced guy like James Blunt. However, with that being said I think you can safely place James Blunt on your gay list.
V, that's a very funny post.
agree this is a very funny post - but I do think Chris Martin, a Brit piano player is straight - turn your gaydar that way and let me know please!
V-
This is the first time I have visited your blog, and I could not stop laughing while I was reading your post. Oh, and I do not use the word "lover."
Extremely compelling argument.
Brilliant, really.
P.S. You've been tagged.
Funniest.
Series.
Ever.
Excellent indepth analysis and lyric deconstruction. Full marks for noticing the unisex language. A+ with a smiley face sticker. You can put this one on your fridge.
Oh and if a guy used the term "lover" around me, I'd bust out laughing. Talk about a moment-killer!
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